Your second blog assignment involves writing a creative piece!
Describe a place or a situation that normally wouldn't be scary. Use imagery and specific word choices to elicit fear or a sense of dread or anxiety in the reader. Think creatively!
I sat down and pulled out my lunch. I tentatively opened the sharp foil wrapped around my meal. I contemplated the unkown substance between two slices of grey-looking bread. Slowly, I reached for it and grasped it in my hands. It was cold and damp between my fingers. I lifted it and it crept closer to my mouth. I hesitated, then cartefully broke into it with my teeth. It was bitter and slimy as I struggled to chew.
The "cold and damp between my fingers" totally made that sound creepy and gross. "Slimy" is the perfect word, at least for me, to totally instill a fearful and perhaps sickening surrounding.
Brandon Farah: you shaking your friends hand after he came out of the bathroom without washing his hands and then sneezing and wiping his mouth all before he shakes your hand. the eating some food and licking off all his fingers.
The part where you said "sneezing and wiping his mouth before shaking your hand". was really powerful because it made it even more nasty,by describing that.
It was a warm sunny day at the beach. The warm sand in between my toes. The warm breeze blowing gently. A few young children palying volleyball down near the water caught my attention. Their playful voices suddenly started to sound fearful. I took off my sunglasses and turned around my towel to look in their direction. As I looked over the water, a almost black sky loomed ahead. Below the black clouds was a twisting and spinning water funnel and it was moving quickly towards the beach.
The part in which you say, "Their playful voices suddenly started to sound fearful," caught my attention as soon as I read it. It shows that something bad will happen. When you said, "A almost black sky loomed ahead," it shows the impending doom that will begin on the beach. I love the way you have your writing go from a great day at the beach, to fear for everyone there.
I could feel your horror as your warm sunny beach day turns into tornado storm. I like your repetition with the word "warm" in the beginning to show how pleasant the day is.
(Warning Following scene contains frightening mental images. Reader discretion is advised)
In an unnamed neighber hood. On an unnamed street. infront of an unnamed House. There sits.... an unnamed puppy. No one claims it. no one wants it. Why is this so? Could it be that it is foaming at the mouth? ccould it be the red smears on its fur? Or.... could it be that it sits in a crimson puddle that is leaking from an unnamed victim. An unnamed victim that this unnamed puppy is chewing on.
Dark clouds started to appear when the students left school. The students started to feel dread when the clounds begain to decend on them, and the buses had not yet arrived. As the first rain drops fell on the students, they ran for the building. All the doors were closed and locked, and all of the students got soaked in icy rain while waiting for the buses that would never come.
I hate when that happens. It always seems to happen at some point during the year. And no matter how warm it is the rain is always "icy" and the doors always seem to lock, only on that day! That always ruins my day!!
I love words "dread, descend" the really instill the fear upon you. I especially like the ending "while waiting for the buses that would never come" makes it a very ominous ending to the story, gives quite a chill.
The first step thatI took on the sand instantly started to burn the bottom of my bare feet. As I proceeded to make my way towords the glistening ocean I am interupted by the sound of the screeching seagulls that are circling around people to try to snag their food. Their is a faint smell in the distance of dead fish that is making my nose tingle. I am blinded by both the hot sun and harsh wind blowing sand into my eyes.
I like how you wrote "hot sun and harsh wind." It puts a good image in my head of the sun beating down and the sand blowing around. The part where you described the smell of dead fish was really powerful because it makes me think of the distinct smell on the beach at low tide.
That happened to me last summer vaction in Myrtle Beach. The seagulls tried to attack my mom, it was so funny. I like how you used the word "screeching seagulls" because I can imagine it happening.
Cantering on an open field of various grasses and weeds, an angry cloud of rolls towards us. The sky turns black as its job was to cage up all the sunshine and refused to let any of it go. The unearthly winds make all the grasses dance, the rain begins to fall. I slightly squeeze the horse moving it back to where the trail started. The rumbles of the thunder makes the horse stop, reacting to its suroundings. It's ears alert, and its wandering eyes, trying to figure out what is happening. Rain drips down both of us like blood would from a wound. The storm won't let us go without a fight.
I really like when you say,"The sky turns black as if its job was to cage up all the sunshine and refused to let any of it go." It makes the sky sound like it is alive and really wants to ruin your afternoon with a thunderstorm
I enjoy how you used words like "the unearthly winds make all the grasses dance." because it made me feel like I was there experiencing this horrible tale. It was very descriptive and you could really feel the fear.
I like the part where you say, "The rumbles of thunder makes the horse stop, reacting to its surroundings." This made me imagine the horse reacting to the rumble of thunder all worried or scared.
Wow amazing job tim, sentences such as "the eyes of my classmates pierced my soul" really gave me new perspective on what it feels like to be as insecure as you are. It is writing like this that puts the reader in your shoes so they can experience such an everyday experience from the point of view of someone like you who has absolutely no self confidence. In all seriousness good job though.
In the dance studio there is a lot of scary things. The teacher is yelling at you because you are doing a step wrong, so she makes you do it by yourself in front of the whole class. Everybody is staring at you. A girl is doing a trick and she falls "crack" she broke her ankle.
Anthony G The Bus Ride Taking the bus is terrifying, as i get on the bus the bus driver yells at all the kids for no reason. I hate taking the bus there is this kid named jeff hes really annoying he never stops blaring his voice of talking about this stupid truck, yeah ok its big and white and sounds cool but stop talking about it. There is also this kid that gets car sick, if your car sick why take the bus, well i see him and his face gets pale and i ask if hes ok, he says nothing and out of no where this liquidy goowy, chunks of food comes out on to the middle lane of the bus, it smells like a garbage can that has had maggots in it for weeks. #Worst bus ride ever
There is always that kid who is loud and "blaring his voice", i like how you pick the word "blaring". Also the "liquidly goowy, chucks of food" makes me actually smell it happening haha
The part when you said "out of no where this liquidy goowy, chunks of food out on to the middle late of the bus" was really powerful because it gave me the chills
When you said his face got pale, it just totally set up what was going to happen next.It was like dramatic irony in a sense. I knew what was going to happen next and I was fearful of it. Great description of the vomit, I feel like I was really there.
Walking through the doors into the school I feel a something nausiating clench my stomach. I had forgoten the biggest assignment of the year on my desk in my room. I'm going to fail the year and have to repeat the whole class next year.
The moonlight glared down on the feild masking anything that lurked on its edges. During the day this area teemed with traffic to and fro, often making one think that such a fear couldn't be amassed. But that was not the case as small glimmers came from the edge of the feild, followed by the snapping of a twig. What followed next came as much of a surprise to him as it did to the shadowy form beyond the feild. The light changed from its purest form to a ghastly red of a color that stained the very ground it lit. Covering the feild in a bloody red, the tone of the engagement suddenly changed to a stalmate of who would run first. As the moon shined a sickly red, blazing into the eyes of the boy. He stood in terror as the calm breeze blew on to his hot skin. He could feel the goose bumbs rising as he watched the form move closer to the feild. His heart raced to the beat of the strangers approach, as it slowly inched towards the light. Suddenly some one switched the lights off, as a cloud passed above. Then came the low growl, a greeting. Thats when he knew he was done for.
I like how you discribed how the boy was feeling, how you said that the moon blazed into the eyes of the boy and how terror hit the kid. That he was getting goosebumps rising as he watched the form move closer to the field. This adds alot more effect on the boy in the passage.
Abbie Terwilliger I love your use of words such as "teemed, ghastly, stalmate" it creates and furthers the picture you are laying out before the reader. I also really like description of how your character feels, I know that a good amount of creating an image of fear has to do with setting the scene but the usage of words to describe the characters emotions, it helps to instill fear into the reader permantly.
John Chadwick Rockwell, III As he opened the bag of potatoe chips the sour smell of the sea salt stings his nostrills. Craving the fantastic flavor he opens his mouth and lays it on his toungue. He begins to chew at it but swallows too soon. The shattered shards scrape down the smooth muscles of his throat. The sheering pain causes him to cough. Looking down at his hand the horrific sight of blood catches his eye.
Matt McDermott Tim had turned down the thermostat now that he had left town for February break. Although it was near freezing in his bedroom nobody was there to feel the cold bitter air. That is nobody except me. I had been close friends with Tim since I was old enough to walk and had remained friends with him as I grew older and older. Lately I had fallen on hard times and had trouble keeping up on my rent, and I could not face eviction again. It wasn’t his money anyways, or so I told myself. Since early childhood we had shared everything and now that he had earned enough money to buy his own home, much like the first house of his we grew up playing in together. As I stepped into the carpet of his room my tattered sneakers left dirty footprints across his pristine new carpet. Like a phantom I glided across the floor as I recalled the bittersweet memories of us playing matchbook cars as kids on a carpet just like this one. Money in hand I head for the door, barely able to compose myself. As I leave the building and once more enter the cold I abandon both my childly friendship and my conscience as I escape into the dark of the night.
I liked your choice of words here "my tattered sneakers left dirty footprints across his pristine new carpet" because it really helped my visualize the scene well. I imagine a white carpet with a trail of muddy sneaker prints. It kind of made it sound like the house wasnt really lived in until you came.
Fantastic sense of imagery. I really hope that this never comes true because I do not want you to steal my things. Besides you breaking into my house and stealing my things, I thought that it was very descriptive and made me feel scared. I do not know how this made anyone else feel but this really made my feel uncomfortable. Good job!
Ben Gallup That deliciuos smell of waiting in the drive through, making you feel like you havent ate in days. You get your food from the window and drive away, but they forgot the tasty salty fries. My blood was boiling after they left the fries out but then i opened up the box of the Big Mac, take that first bite and you have someones long nasty hair in your mouth.
The part where you described the salty fries was really powerful because i can really visualize the fries. from your boy Ant or on the weekends G-swagg5
i like how you describe the the smell of the food because it reminds me of times that ive been waiting to get food and i can smell it but not have it yet. the way you used the word "boiling" was good because it shows how mad you got by them forgetting your "tasty salty fries".
I liked your choice of words "My blood was boiling after they left the fries out" because they made me imagine you being very angry that they forgot to give you the fries
When recess came, I would be terrified to even put one step on the school playground. The playground equipment was bigger than I always expect. I get to the top, and I see a million feet view above the ground. I smell the strong scent of the woodchips on the playground. I hear the other kids laughing and enjoying sliding down and climbing back up to the top, but I'm the only kid that's not being social and talking to the other kids in school. I feel the platform below my feet just waiting to break and letting me fall to the ground.
I like how you said that the platform below your feet was just waiting to break because it really shows how you feel about everything on the playground and i can imagine the whole setting.
you really grasped my attention in this paragraph mostly by everything you said in it. the whole time i was reading this i had a clear picture in my head of what went on. when you said " i smell the strong scent of the woodchips" i almost had a flashback from when i was a kid always playing on the playground.. Great job!
Abbie Terwilliger My throats begins to close as my palms begin to sweat and my stomach gives a monsterous twist as the nausea begins is intianated into larger waves. The weight on my shoulders become considerably heavier and the anxiety, the anxiety trickles down my back, making almost impossible to sit still. An in an instant, I hear my name being announced in a very sprightly manner,( though I feel quite the opposite). I rise from my desk and trudge the treachous path up to the podium, my distrustful legs shaking like they were about to give out at any moment. As I take my place behide the podium and adjust my papers, I can bearly make eye contact with anyone with except the white wall in the back. When I try to look at anyone my voices shakes and cracks, I can feel the colorer rising in my cheeks as I sense the judgement in the minds of those who are observe me like I'm a bug under a microscope. I sear and fry under the gazes of my onlookers, my anxiety making everything blur, I can barely breath, and I taste metal and nausea. Then everything in black, dark, silent and beautiful.
I love when you said, "I sear and fry under the gazes of my onlookers." It describes how you feel when you walk up there, and I can feel and picture how it would be like to go up in front of a group of people to publically speak. I also like when you said, "I sense the judgement in the minds of those who are observing me like I'm a bug under microscope." I can imagine how you felt, and the preasure you felt as you got up there.
you did an amazing job personifing the writing you did, it captures the feeling of fear when public speaking. And I love the end when you talk about blacking out, its very surrealist and would hook me in if it were a book
You perfectly described nerves. I felt nervous reading this. When you described the nausea I could feel twisting and the connection of it to waves pulled it all together. I liked your choice of the word trickles for the anxiety because it made me feel the shaking and the dread of the situation. Your blog made me feel terrible(that's a compliment). Good job.
In the middle of the night i had been in bed sound asleep. When suddenly i had woken up by this head pounding siren, screaming throughout my house. I sprung up from my bed and looked around my room in fright. I felt my heart beating out of my chest as i stand in confusion. I knew it was my house alarm but why was it going off? I have never been scared to be alone in my room, or my own house. But at that point I wanted to be out. I didnt know what made it go off and i didnt want to stay to find out. I stood far away from my door and sat in the corner of my room, praying one of my parents would come in. My mind was racing through thoughts of why it could have gone off. And my heart started beating faster and i began to lose control of my breathing. I felt like i was having a heart attack when suddenly the noise had stopped. I felt a sudden relief. My mom had walked into my room and turned on the light. She had told me there was noting to fear, it was just my father letting my dog outside and forgot that he had set the alarm.
As im awakening from a deep sleep, i noticed that a violent crashing and metal scrapping sound is coming from the small block down the street. As im thinking that a sound like that doesnt come around on these relaxing weekends i get a horrendous phone call from my enraged mom telling me i forgot to take the stinky garbage outside to the sidewalk.. meanwhile.. screaching sounds to a stop than more crashing but even closer!i can even smell the garbage truck from less than a block away and i only have 2 short minutes to rush and take my smelly trash outside. im running through my house faster than i have before but this time with my hands full, of course clumbsy me i fall and stub my stingy pinky toe and it shatters in half. i was laying there for the longest time that i cant describe when i was there or got up. my roid raged mom comes home finding out i didnt do the trash so now the whole house smells like diapers.... she broke the rest of my useless toes... THE END
The part when you described the violent crashing and metal scrapping sound was powerful because the garbage truck actually does make loud obnoxious sounds, you described that well. I also liked your choice of words such as "enraged." I imagined your angry mom screaming on the phone. And also the word "Violent" because it made me imagine the loud noises that the truck makes when it arrives at the driveway and takes the trash.
The "violent crashing and metal scrapping" just sound scary as you are waking up. Then you get a phone call, that reminds he of something bad is happening. How you described the garbage being "stinky" makes me think of the bottom of my trash can!
As i walk into my dark bathroom at the ungodly hour of 10am on a Saturday morning to simply brush my teeth and start the day. I turn on the lights an explosion of sickly yellow sulfur colored tiles blind my tired, unadjusted eyes. its so bright i am forced to blindly walk to the low sink that i have long since been to tall to use properly. I then brush my teeth and instead of thinking about my plans for the day whilst my tooth brushing, I feel troubled knowing that someone existed in humanity that liked this color and decided to mass produce it to put in peoples homes! after i brush my teeth the whole traumatic event then leaves me exhausted and weak, so i leave the sulfur room to go back to bed to wake up and hope i will never have to go back there again.
Im boarding a plane, on my way to Florida. Im sitting there watching as people get on, and carry on bags are constantly hitting my side every five seconds. This guy walks on the plane and he looks like Bear Grills with all of his hardcore gear. He's carrying a cage full of rats and on top of it he smells. He sat in his seat which was of coarse right next to mine, so I was constantly being tortured by his nasty odor. The plane has finally taken off and we're in the air. All the sudden i start feeling someone kicking my seat and come to find out it was a little kid. So on top of the nasty odor i have some five year old kicking my seat. I try as hard as i can to relax with my surroundings but then i see a rat scurrying on the ground which lead to hearing people scream. The nightmare had finally ended and we had landed in Florida.
I love how you described the guy who looks like bear grills, for me that made the passage interesting to read. The imagery you used with him with the rats and odor made it easy to picture and relate to
I like the saying: "So on top of the nasty odor, I have some five year old kid kicking my seat." This was so powerful because you try to relax and enjoy the plane ride, but end up having unexpected thing to happen while you were on the plane. I feel so bad that these things happen to you!
I could picture the the cage full of rats coming down the isle and with a child kicking the back of my seat. I feel like every time I get on a plane there is i little kid behind me, and rats under the seat would totally freak me out.
I was so excited to visit myt grandmother that I had not seen in so long this weekend. As I opened the door to her house the overpowering odor of mothballs and dust struck me. Outdated floral wallpaper smothered the walls. My grandmother greeted me with a strong embrace that left me gasping for air. Left on the dining room table was a plate of burnt cookies. They felt as if they were fracturing every tooth in my mouth with each bite I reluctantly took to please her as she was watching with delight.
I liked your choice of words, "they were fracturing every tooth in my mouth". This made me imagine the sight of you bitting down on the burnt cookies and your teeth grinding and crushing.
The part where you described the smell and the wallpaper was really powerful because those are really distinct images in my head. I like when you said "a strong embrace that left me gasping for air" because a hug is usually not a bad thing but that makes it seem very unpleasant.
You are snowboarding down a mountain with your friends on a nice sunny,beautiful day. You are going faster than the speed of light laughing and competing with your friends. Being in first place with the group of friends, your here a loud "BOOM!" wondering what that was, you look behind you and see your friend tumbling down hill with his snowboard attached to him, like a a helicopter crashing down from the sky and onto the mountain and the propellers still keep spinning around and around and around. As I stop, he comes straight towards me, my heart pounding like drums, I quickly leap out of the way from a horrific accident. He finally slows down and comes to a complete stop, with no injuries or bruises. I imagined that my injury flashed before my eyes, but luckily, that did not happen.
The part when you described the accident flashing before his eyes was really powerful because I can imagine that person being winded from what just happened, and that the got the wind knocked right out of them from tumbling down the hill. Also I like how you used the word "boom", it added exclamation into the story.
One boring math class we were taking more notes than one pencil could handle. The chalk on the chalk board kept screeching and my pencil kept getting shorter and shorter. The friction from my pencil felt like it would set the classroom on fire! My hand was cramping but the teacher kept writing and all of a sudden, my pencil broke! The utter despair and heartbreak I felt at the moment was to much to bare. I knew I had to get up and sharpen my pencil but I could not bring myself to do it. The sharpener was so loud and obnoxious that when I got up to sharpen my pencil the eyes of my classmates pierced my soul. I approached the sharpener and was prepared to accept my fate of complete humiliation. The moment I started to sharpen my pencil the sharpener fell off the wall and hit the floor with the strength of an ox. The room fell silent as the teacher and all twenty seven classmates slowly turned to look at my fatal mistake. With the cold hard eyes staring at me I looked down and saw that my pencil was broken. I knew at that moment that my note taking career was over.
I liked your choice of words here "the eyes of my classmates pierced my soul." because its easy to picture in your head. I really liked how you used the word pierced because its very strong and powerful, it makes it seem like the classmates were staring at you intensly
I like how you used interesting word choice such as, "The utter despair and heartbreak I felt..." to exaggerate the feeling of being judged while you get up to sharpen your pencil. Even though it isn't what most people would consider to be scary, you do a good job making it seem like a terrifying experience.
I sat down and pulled out my lunch. I tentatively opened the sharp foil wrapped around my meal. I contemplated the unkown substance between two slices of grey-looking bread. Slowly, I reached for it and grasped it in my hands. It was cold and damp between my fingers. I lifted it and it crept closer to my mouth. I hesitated, then cartefully broke into it with my teeth. It was bitter and slimy as I struggled to chew.
ReplyDeleteThe "cold and damp between my fingers" totally made that sound creepy and gross. "Slimy" is the perfect word, at least for me, to totally instill a fearful and perhaps sickening surrounding.
DeleteThe "grey-looking bread" made the sandwich sound unappatizing. The fact that it was "cold and damp" too just makes it sound even worse.
DeleteBrandon Farah: you shaking your friends hand after he came out of the bathroom without washing his hands and then sneezing and wiping his mouth all before he shakes your hand. the eating some food and licking off all his fingers.
ReplyDeleteGross... Just... Gross
DeleteThe part where you said "sneezing and wiping his mouth before shaking your hand". was really powerful because it made it even more nasty,by describing that.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteCeline Fletcher
ReplyDeleteIt was a warm sunny day at the beach. The warm sand in between my toes. The warm breeze blowing gently. A few young children palying volleyball down near the water caught my attention. Their playful voices suddenly started to sound fearful. I took off my sunglasses and turned around my towel to look in their direction. As I looked over the water, a almost black sky loomed ahead. Below the black clouds was a twisting and spinning water funnel and it was moving quickly towards the beach.
The part in which you say, "Their playful voices suddenly started to sound fearful," caught my attention as soon as I read it. It shows that something bad will happen. When you said, "A almost black sky loomed ahead," it shows the impending doom that will begin on the beach. I love the way you have your writing go from a great day at the beach, to fear for everyone there.
DeleteI could feel your horror as your warm sunny beach day turns into tornado storm. I like your repetition with the word "warm" in the beginning to show how pleasant the day is.
Delete(Warning Following scene contains frightening mental images. Reader discretion is advised)
ReplyDeleteIn an unnamed neighber hood. On an unnamed street. infront of an unnamed House. There sits.... an unnamed puppy. No one claims it. no one wants it. Why is this so? Could it be that it is foaming at the mouth? ccould it be the red smears on its fur? Or.... could it be that it sits in a crimson puddle that is leaking from an unnamed victim. An unnamed victim that this unnamed puppy is chewing on.
Dark clouds started to appear when the students left school. The students started to feel dread when the clounds begain to decend on them, and the buses had not yet arrived. As the first rain drops fell on the students, they ran for the building. All the doors were closed and locked, and all of the students got soaked in icy rain while waiting for the buses that would never come.
ReplyDeleteI hate when that happens. It always seems to happen at some point during the year. And no matter how warm it is the rain is always "icy" and the doors always seem to lock, only on that day! That always ruins my day!!
DeleteI love words "dread, descend" the really instill the fear upon you. I especially like the ending "while waiting for the buses that would never come" makes it a very ominous ending to the story, gives quite a chill.
DeleteThe first step thatI took on the sand instantly started to burn the bottom of my bare feet. As I proceeded to make my way towords the glistening ocean I am interupted by the sound of the screeching seagulls that are circling around people to try to snag their food. Their is a faint smell in the distance of dead fish that is making my nose tingle. I am blinded by both the hot sun and harsh wind blowing sand into my eyes.
ReplyDeleteI like how you wrote "hot sun and harsh wind." It puts a good image in my head of the sun beating down and the sand blowing around. The part where you described the smell of dead fish was really powerful because it makes me think of the distinct smell on the beach at low tide.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteMaeve Gurbey
DeleteThat happened to me last summer vaction in Myrtle Beach. The seagulls tried to attack my mom, it was so funny. I like how you used the word "screeching seagulls" because I can imagine it happening.
Chelsea Snide
ReplyDeleteCantering on an open field of various grasses and weeds, an angry cloud of rolls towards us. The sky turns black as its job was to cage up all the sunshine and refused to let any of it go. The unearthly winds make all the grasses dance, the rain begins to fall. I slightly squeeze the horse moving it back to where the trail started. The rumbles of the thunder makes the horse stop, reacting to its suroundings. It's ears alert, and its wandering eyes, trying to figure out what is happening. Rain drips down both of us like blood would from a wound. The storm won't let us go without a fight.
I really like when you say,"The sky turns black as if its job was to cage up all the sunshine and refused to let any of it go." It makes the sky sound like it is alive and really wants to ruin your afternoon with a thunderstorm
DeleteThe part where you described the sky turning black was really powerful because it made me actualy see an image in my head.
DeleteTim Molino
DeleteI enjoy how you used words like "the unearthly winds make all the grasses dance." because it made me feel like I was there experiencing this horrible tale. It was very descriptive and you could really feel the fear.
I like the part where you say, "The rumbles of thunder makes the horse stop, reacting to its surroundings." This made me imagine the horse reacting to the rumble of thunder all worried or scared.
DeleteWow amazing job tim, sentences such as "the eyes of my classmates pierced my soul" really gave me new perspective on what it feels like to be as insecure as you are. It is writing like this that puts the reader in your shoes so they can experience such an everyday experience from the point of view of someone like you who has absolutely no self confidence. In all seriousness good job though.
DeleteHaley Bialobzeski
ReplyDeleteIn the dance studio there is a lot of scary things. The teacher is yelling at you because you are doing a step wrong, so she makes you do it by yourself in front of the whole class. Everybody is staring at you. A girl is doing a trick and she falls "crack" she broke her ankle.
Anthony G The Bus Ride
ReplyDeleteTaking the bus is terrifying, as i get on the bus the bus driver yells at all the kids for no reason. I hate taking the bus there is this kid named jeff hes really annoying he never stops blaring his voice of talking about this stupid truck, yeah ok its big and white and sounds cool but stop talking about it. There is also this kid that gets car sick, if your car sick why take the bus, well i see him and his face gets pale and i ask if hes ok, he says nothing and out of no where this liquidy goowy, chunks of food comes out on to the middle lane of the bus, it smells like a garbage can that has had maggots in it for weeks. #Worst bus ride ever
how you said "liquidy goowy, chunks of food come out." made is sooo much grosser
DeleteThere is always that kid who is loud and "blaring his voice", i like how you pick the word "blaring". Also the "liquidly goowy, chucks of food" makes me actually smell it happening haha
DeleteThe part when you said "out of no where this liquidy goowy, chunks of food out on to the middle late of the bus" was really powerful because it gave me the chills
DeleteWhen you said his face got pale, it just totally set up what was going to happen next.It was like dramatic irony in a sense. I knew what was going to happen next and I was fearful of it. Great description of the vomit, I feel like I was really there.
DeleteWalking through the doors into the school I feel a something nausiating clench my stomach. I had forgoten the biggest assignment of the year on my desk in my room. I'm going to fail the year and have to repeat the whole class next year.
ReplyDeleteThe moonlight glared down on the feild masking anything that lurked on its edges. During the day this area teemed with traffic to and fro, often making one think that such a fear couldn't be amassed. But that was not the case as small glimmers came from the edge of the feild, followed by the snapping of a twig. What followed next came as much of a surprise to him as it did to the shadowy form beyond the feild. The light changed from its purest form to a ghastly red of a color that stained the very ground it lit. Covering the feild in a bloody red, the tone of the engagement suddenly changed to a stalmate of who would run first. As the moon shined a sickly red, blazing into the eyes of the boy. He stood in terror as the calm breeze blew on to his hot skin. He could feel the goose bumbs rising as he watched the form move closer to the feild. His heart raced to the beat of the strangers approach, as it slowly inched towards the light. Suddenly some one switched the lights off, as a cloud passed above. Then came the low growl, a greeting. Thats when he knew he was done for.
ReplyDeleteBen VanDeBogart
DeleteI like how you discribed how the boy was feeling, how you said that the moon blazed into the eyes of the boy and how terror hit the kid. That he was getting goosebumps rising as he watched the form move closer to the field. This adds alot more effect on the boy in the passage.
Abbie Terwilliger
DeleteI love your use of words such as "teemed, ghastly, stalmate" it creates and furthers the picture you are laying out before the reader. I also really like description of how your character feels, I know that a good amount of creating an image of fear has to do with setting the scene but the usage of words to describe the characters emotions, it helps to instill fear into the reader permantly.
John Chadwick Rockwell, III
ReplyDeleteAs he opened the bag of potatoe chips the sour smell of the sea salt stings his nostrills. Craving the fantastic flavor he opens his mouth and lays it on his toungue. He begins to chew at it but swallows too soon. The shattered shards scrape down the smooth muscles of his throat. The sheering pain causes him to cough. Looking down at his hand the horrific sight of blood catches his eye.
Matt McDermott
ReplyDeleteTim had turned down the thermostat now that he had left town for February break. Although it was near freezing in his bedroom nobody was there to feel the cold bitter air. That is nobody except me. I had been close friends with Tim since I was old enough to walk and had remained friends with him as I grew older and older. Lately I had fallen on hard times and had trouble keeping up on my rent, and I could not face eviction again. It wasn’t his money anyways, or so I told myself. Since early childhood we had shared everything and now that he had earned enough money to buy his own home, much like the first house of his we grew up playing in together. As I stepped into the carpet of his room my tattered sneakers left dirty footprints across his pristine new carpet. Like a phantom I glided across the floor as I recalled the bittersweet memories of us playing matchbook cars as kids on a carpet just like this one. Money in hand I head for the door, barely able to compose myself. As I leave the building and once more enter the cold I abandon both my childly friendship and my conscience as I escape into the dark of the night.
I liked your choice of words here "my tattered sneakers left dirty footprints across his pristine new carpet" because it really helped my visualize the scene well. I imagine a white carpet with a trail of muddy sneaker prints. It kind of made it sound like the house wasnt really lived in until you came.
DeleteTim Molino
DeleteFantastic sense of imagery. I really hope that this never comes true because I do not want you to steal my things. Besides you breaking into my house and stealing my things, I thought that it was very descriptive and made me feel scared. I do not know how this made anyone else feel but this really made my feel uncomfortable. Good job!
Your use of imagery made me feel kinda sad. very good work
DeleteBen Gallup
ReplyDeleteThat deliciuos smell of waiting in the drive through, making you feel like you havent ate in days. You get your food from the window and drive away, but they forgot the tasty salty fries. My blood was boiling after they left the fries out but then i opened up the box of the Big Mac, take that first bite and you have someones long nasty hair in your mouth.
Brandon Farah: how you said "making you feel like you havent ate in days." really made the whole story. I would be so mad if that happened!
DeleteThe part where you described the salty fries was really powerful because i can really visualize the fries. from your boy Ant or on the weekends G-swagg5
Deletei like how you describe the the smell of the food because it reminds me of times that ive been waiting to get food and i can smell it but not have it yet. the way you used the word "boiling" was good because it shows how mad you got by them forgetting your "tasty salty fries".
DeleteI liked your choice of words "My blood was boiling after they left the fries out" because they made me imagine you being very angry that they forgot to give you the fries
DeleteWhen recess came, I would be terrified to even put one step on the school playground. The playground equipment was bigger than I always expect. I get to the top, and I see a million feet view above the ground. I smell the strong scent of the woodchips on the playground. I hear the other kids laughing and enjoying sliding down and climbing back up to the top, but I'm the only kid that's not being social and talking to the other kids in school. I feel the platform below my feet just waiting to break and letting me fall to the ground.
ReplyDeleteBen VanDeBogart
DeleteI like how you said that the platform below your feet was just waiting to break because it really shows how you feel about everything on the playground and i can imagine the whole setting.
you really grasped my attention in this paragraph mostly by everything you said in it. the whole time i was reading this i had a clear picture in my head of what went on. when you said " i smell the strong scent of the woodchips" i almost had a flashback from when i was a kid always playing on the playground.. Great job!
DeleteAbbie Terwilliger
ReplyDeleteMy throats begins to close as my palms begin to sweat and my stomach gives a monsterous twist as the nausea begins is intianated into larger waves. The weight on my shoulders become considerably heavier and the anxiety, the anxiety trickles down my back, making almost impossible to sit still. An in an instant, I hear my name being announced in a very sprightly manner,( though I feel quite the opposite). I rise from my desk and trudge the treachous path up to the podium, my distrustful legs shaking like they were about to give out at any moment. As I take my place behide the podium and adjust my papers, I can bearly make eye contact with anyone with except the white wall in the back. When I try to look at anyone my voices shakes and cracks, I can feel the colorer rising in my cheeks as I sense the judgement in the minds of those who are observe me like I'm a bug under a microscope. I sear and fry under the gazes of my onlookers, my anxiety making everything blur, I can barely breath, and I taste metal and nausea. Then everything in black, dark, silent and beautiful.
I love when you said, "I sear and fry under the gazes of my onlookers." It describes how you feel when you walk up there, and I can feel and picture how it would be like to go up in front of a group of people to publically speak. I also like when you said, "I sense the judgement in the minds of those who are observing me like I'm a bug under microscope." I can imagine how you felt, and the preasure you felt as you got up there.
DeleteNick Paquin
Deleteyou did an amazing job personifing the writing you did, it captures the feeling of fear when public speaking. And I love the end when you talk about blacking out, its very surrealist and would hook me in if it were a book
You perfectly described nerves. I felt nervous reading this. When you described the nausea I could feel twisting and the connection of it to waves pulled it all together. I liked your choice of the word trickles for the anxiety because it made me feel the shaking and the dread of the situation. Your blog made me feel terrible(that's a compliment). Good job.
DeleteIn the middle of the night i had been in bed sound asleep. When suddenly i had woken up by this head pounding siren, screaming throughout my house. I sprung up from my bed and looked around my room in fright. I felt my heart beating out of my chest as i stand in confusion. I knew it was my house alarm but why was it going off? I have never been scared to be alone in my room, or my own house. But at that point I wanted to be out. I didnt know what made it go off and i didnt want to stay to find out. I stood far away from my door and sat in the corner of my room, praying one of my parents would come in. My mind was racing through thoughts of why it could have gone off. And my heart started beating faster and i began to lose control of my breathing. I felt like i was having a heart attack when suddenly the noise had stopped. I felt a sudden relief. My mom had walked into my room and turned on the light. She had told me there was noting to fear, it was just my father letting my dog outside and forgot that he had set the alarm.
ReplyDeleteAs im awakening from a deep sleep, i noticed that a violent crashing and metal scrapping sound is coming from the small block down the street. As im thinking that a sound like that doesnt come around on these relaxing weekends i get a horrendous phone call from my enraged mom telling me i forgot to take the stinky garbage outside to the sidewalk.. meanwhile.. screaching sounds to a stop than more crashing but even closer!i can even smell the garbage truck from less than a block away and i only have 2 short minutes to rush and take my smelly trash outside. im running through my house faster than i have before but this time with my hands full, of course clumbsy me i fall and stub my stingy pinky toe and it shatters in half. i was laying there for the longest time that i cant describe when i was there or got up. my roid raged mom comes home finding out i didnt do the trash so now the whole house smells like diapers.... she broke the rest of my useless toes...
ReplyDeleteTHE END
Taylor Marshall
DeleteThe part when you described the violent crashing and metal scrapping sound was powerful because the garbage truck actually does make loud obnoxious sounds, you described that well. I also liked your choice of words such as "enraged." I imagined your angry mom screaming on the phone. And also the word "Violent" because it made me imagine the loud noises that the truck makes when it arrives at the driveway and takes the trash.
The "violent crashing and metal scrapping" just sound scary as you are waking up. Then you get a phone call, that reminds he of something bad is happening. How you described the garbage being "stinky" makes me think of the bottom of my trash can!
DeleteAs i walk into my dark bathroom at the ungodly hour of 10am on a Saturday morning to simply brush my teeth and start the day. I turn on the lights an explosion of sickly yellow sulfur colored tiles blind my tired, unadjusted eyes. its so bright i am forced to blindly walk to the low sink that i have long since been to tall to use properly. I then brush my teeth and instead of thinking about my plans for the day whilst my tooth brushing, I feel troubled knowing that someone existed in humanity that liked this color and decided to mass produce it to put in peoples homes! after i brush my teeth the whole traumatic event then leaves me exhausted and weak, so i leave the sulfur room to go back to bed to wake up and hope i will never have to go back there again.
ReplyDeleteBen VanDeBogart
ReplyDeleteIm boarding a plane, on my way to Florida. Im sitting there watching as people get on, and carry on bags are constantly hitting my side every five seconds. This guy walks on the plane and he looks like Bear Grills with all of his hardcore gear. He's carrying a cage full of rats and on top of it he smells. He sat in his seat which was of coarse right next to mine, so I was constantly being tortured by his nasty odor. The plane has finally taken off and we're in the air. All the sudden i start feeling someone kicking my seat and come to find out it was a little kid. So on top of the nasty odor i have some five year old kicking my seat. I try as hard as i can to relax with my surroundings but then i see a rat scurrying on the ground which lead to hearing people scream. The nightmare had finally ended and we had landed in Florida.
Nick Paquin
DeleteI love how you described the guy who looks like bear grills, for me that made the passage interesting to read. The imagery you used with him with the rats and odor made it easy to picture and relate to
I like the saying: "So on top of the nasty odor, I have some five year old kid kicking my seat." This was so powerful because you try to relax and enjoy the plane ride, but end up having unexpected thing to happen while you were on the plane. I feel so bad that these things happen to you!
DeleteI could picture the the cage full of rats coming down the isle and with a child kicking the back of my seat. I feel like every time I get on a plane there is i little kid behind me, and rats under the seat would totally freak me out.
DeleteMaeve Gurbey
ReplyDeleteI was so excited to visit myt grandmother that I had not seen in so long this weekend. As I opened the door to her house the overpowering odor of mothballs and dust struck me. Outdated floral wallpaper smothered the walls. My grandmother greeted me with a strong embrace that left me gasping for air. Left on the dining room table was a plate of burnt cookies. They felt as if they were fracturing every tooth in my mouth with each bite I reluctantly took to please her as she was watching with delight.
I liked your choice of words, "they were fracturing every tooth in my mouth". This made me imagine the sight of you bitting down on the burnt cookies and your teeth grinding and crushing.
DeleteThe part where you described the smell and the wallpaper was really powerful because those are really distinct images in my head. I like when you said "a strong embrace that left me gasping for air" because a hug is usually not a bad thing but that makes it seem very unpleasant.
DeleteMichael Purvey
ReplyDeleteYou are snowboarding down a mountain with your friends on a nice sunny,beautiful day. You are going faster than the speed of light laughing and competing with your friends. Being in first place with the group of friends, your here a loud "BOOM!" wondering what that was, you look behind you and see your friend tumbling down hill with his snowboard attached to him, like a a helicopter crashing down from the sky and onto the mountain and the propellers still keep spinning around and around and around. As I stop, he comes straight towards me, my heart pounding like drums, I quickly leap out of the way from a horrific accident. He finally slows down and comes to a complete stop, with no injuries or bruises. I imagined that my injury flashed before my eyes, but luckily, that did not happen.
The part when you described the accident flashing before his eyes was really powerful because I can imagine that person being winded from what just happened, and that the got the wind knocked right out of them from tumbling down the hill. Also I like how you used the word "boom", it added exclamation into the story.
DeleteTim Molino
ReplyDeleteOne boring math class we were taking more notes than one pencil could handle. The chalk on the chalk board kept screeching and my pencil kept getting shorter and shorter. The friction from my pencil felt like it would set the classroom on fire! My hand was cramping but the teacher kept writing and all of a sudden, my pencil broke! The utter despair and heartbreak I felt at the moment was to much to bare. I knew I had to get up and sharpen my pencil but I could not bring myself to do it. The sharpener was so loud and obnoxious that when I got up to sharpen my pencil the eyes of my classmates pierced my soul. I approached the sharpener and was prepared to accept my fate of complete humiliation. The moment I started to sharpen my pencil the sharpener fell off the wall and hit the floor with the strength of an ox. The room fell silent as the teacher and all twenty seven classmates slowly turned to look at my fatal mistake. With the cold hard eyes staring at me I looked down and saw that my pencil was broken. I knew at that moment that my note taking career was over.
I liked your choice of words here "the eyes of my classmates pierced my soul." because its easy to picture in your head. I really liked how you used the word pierced because its very strong and powerful, it makes it seem like the classmates were staring at you intensly
DeleteI like how you used interesting word choice such as, "The utter despair and heartbreak I felt..." to exaggerate the feeling of being judged while you get up to sharpen your pencil. Even though it isn't what most people would consider to be scary, you do a good job making it seem like a terrifying experience.
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